Friday 16 August – Size 16 but a bit saggy!

It’s been another effortless week. No symptoms, good appetite suppression, and another 1.6lbs off.

And I’m back into my size 16s!  I had a whole rail of jeans and trousers from a previous weight loss period, years ago. I tried them on and they all fit. It feels so good.

I have, however, noticed the start of the sag. My upper arms and my thighs are a bit crepey.  I went to wear a sleeveless dress, and did not feel comfortable, so chose one with sleeves, and found myself googling upper arm surgery.

I watched a video of a woman who had had it done, and she was talking about how happy with it she was, but there were two problems. Firstly, throughout the whole video she kept her arms firmly by her side. My arms look fine if I keep my arms welded to my sides! And then she said, “it was 6 months since the surgery, and she now had ‘full arm mobility’” What the fuck!! 6 months and now she has full arm mobility! I should bloody well think so!

When it comes to pain, I am a big fat wimp. I am sure that on a pain scale from 1-10, an 8 to me would be a 5 to anyone else. The thought of putting myself through pain and discomfort for something that is not essential just does not seem worth it.

I might feel differently if I was younger. I know that at 54 I am not old, and I have a lot of years to go, but I can live without ever looking fab in a bikini. If I can wear a swimsuit on a beach at size 20, then I can wear a size 12 (someday, I hope) with saggy arms!

And if it means choosing a dress or a top with a bit of a sleeve if it is an occasion where I do want to feel more confident about my looks, and not be self-conscious, then I can live with that.

If you are considering going for the surgery, then I totally understand. I can tell myself all day long that I am doing this for my health, but I know full well that getting into a smaller dress size feels more of a win than lowering my blood pressure.

Looks matter, and I would love to have a body like Davina McCall. But I don’t think I’m prepared to suffer for it.

So, I wore my size 16 chinos to work yesterday, and it felt amazing. Its weird how differently clothes fit when their main purpose is not to simply cover up.  I am so used to elasticated waists, and wide leg palazzo style pants, that when I can feel the material clinging to my legs, feeling a bit tight even, and when I look in the mirror and it looks ok, it is weird.

Size 16 feels like a big deal to me. Probably because I can remember a time when that was the biggest size that was easily available in mainstream stores. If you wanted an 18 or larger then you had to go to the special stores, the ‘outsize’ stores. Evans used to be called ‘Evans Outsize’.  It was tough. It was also long before online shopping. The choices were so limited. To this day there are stores I have never set foot in because I know they are not for me.

If you have ever had that ‘Pretty Woman’ moment, where you were made to feel that you were not welcome, for whatever reason, it hurts.

Happily, stores have woken up to the fact that we come in all shapes and sizes, and sizes are much more widely available. But I will always regard size 16 as ‘normal’ size.

A couple of years ago I was doing jury service in Hove, and I walked past a store every day on my way to court. The windows were beautiful. I noticed a lovely cardigan in the window, and every day I walked past without going in.  After a few days of this, I had a day when we had finished a bit early, and I decided to be brave and go in. I put my head in the door and asked what size their clothes go up to. The person at the counter said ‘about 16-18’ I said, ‘thanks then, bye’ and turned to walk away. And bless her, she chased after me and said please come in, some of the sizes are a bit bigger let’s at least have a look for you. She was so kind. And she was right, and I did buy something.

I think I will be going back there more often now.

The store is called Velvet, have a look www.velvetstore.co.uk