Saturday 3 August – NSVs (Non-Scale Victories)

I have hit 2.5 stones! And it is wonderful to see that number on the scale, but that is not the only evidence of success. I’ve talked a lot about my relationship with the scales, now it’s time to talk about the wonder that is the NSV, the Non-Scale Victories!

When you are out an about you don’t tend to wear a badge with your current weight on it, at least I hope not, because that would be weird. So, when someone says ‘wow, you’ve lost weight’ that means more than the scales can ever do. This means that the evidence is clear, the difference is noticeable. Maybe it’s because you look physically smaller, but I know in my case, they are also noticing a happier, more confident me.

It can take a little while before you lose enough for it to be noticeable by friends, family and colleagues. But there are lots of other, smaller, NSVs that you will notice long before they do.

The very first thing I notice is that my rings slide onto my fingers more easily. I take my rings off every night, so every morning it gives me a little lift when I slide them on. My wedding, engagement and eternity rings are all different sizes, reflecting the changes over the years. My engagement ring is the largest because it was replaced 2 years ago when I sadly lost my original. My eternity ring is the smallest and I had not been able to wear it for a few years. I now have had to swap them around so that my eternity ring holds my engagement ring in place. I know that no one else will have noticed this, but it is a constant reminder for me.

Next for me is my bra, I get home from a day at work and my first thought is not, let me get this bra off! I get ready for bed and realise I am still wearing it!

The first noticeable place I see my weight loss is in my face. I am grateful for this, because it means that I see it and feel better about it every day. I can see a firmer chin line, and cheek bones, everything looks less puffy.

These three things happen quite quickly for me because they are all areas that respond quickly to losing excess water. My very first week on the jab I lost 10lbs. I know that this was not all fat, this was mainly excess water. Don’t knock it though, it’s still weight and it’s still gone, and that fluid is the thing that makes rings and bras tight.

My biggest NSV though is unsolicited photographs.

I have a (self-diagnosed) condition called body dysmorphic disorder, I have it at the mildest end of the scale, it doesn’t greatly impact my life, in fact, in many ways it has been helpful to me. I do not want to make light of a condition that is very serious for some people. Once again, I will remind you that this blog is my personal story, and I am not an expert in this area.

For me this disorder shows up in the disconnect between the image of me that I have in my head and the reality. In my head I can ‘see’ myself wearing the outfit I am in, but about 3 dress sizes smaller. In my head I look ok, I look good. When I am getting ready to go out, I can look at myself in the mirror and stand at the right angle to look ok. I should mention that I do not own a full-length mirror, so I only ever see about 80% of me at any one time. I get ready, I look in the mirror, I think I look ok, and then I leave the house. Even if the mirror had shown me that I didn’t exactly look great, just ok, once I am out of the house the image in my head takes over, and I think I look good. This is how I set off for the evening with a wrap around my shoulders, covering my fat upper arms, and then discard it as soon as I get out. This allows me to relax and have a great time, I told you that in many ways this disorder helps me to feel confident and have fun and be social.

And then I see a photograph, or I catch myself in a mirror.

The disconnect between the photo or the reflection, and what is in my head is scary.

A few weeks ago, I wore a dress and put on a belt, because I had lost some weight, and I thought I looked ok. Standing in front of the mirror, head on, it looked ok. Then later in the day, I saw a photo of myself and OMG, the belt accented how big I was. The image of me from side on made me look like a barrel.

When I am at my worst, I do everything in my power to avoid mirrors, I walk through a dress shop spotting the full-length mirrors and take a route to avoid them. I even stop myself from looking in shop windows as I walk along the street because I do not want to see my reflection. I hate to see myself undressed. I have never seen myself in a full-length mirror naked.

Which is a log way of telling you about my favourite NSV.

2 weeks ago, I was delivering a training workshop to an audience of 50 people. I wore a dress that I knew covered everything up reasonably well, and I felt confident. My friend took a couple of photos of me stood in the middle of the circle of people and I am happy with the photos. Don’t get me wrong I am still a big person, but the image on the photo was much closer to the image in my head.

Not being afraid of the unsolicited photo being posted to Facebook at a networking event or party is my biggest NSV.

There are more;

My shoes are looser, I have tightened my watch strap, clothes that were tight hang loose, I take up less room, chairs with arms are not so snug, I do not feel so self-conscious, and my first thought when invited to an event is not ‘what will I wear’.

And I am only one third of the way to my target. Who knows what other NSVs I will discover, and who cares what the scales say.

P.S. I never planned to share these photos. The first one is the photo I took to send to the Asda Doctor for my prescription. Today, 12 weeks on, I thought I would take the same picture, just for me. I had not brushed my hair, no make-up, and put on the same clothes as the first pic, even though it is a very hot day, it was just intended to be a snap for my benefit. But what I noticed first about the picture was my smile, so I thought I would share it.